goodbye winterbreak.

I'm starting school tomorrow and I've got a bunch of mixed feelings about it. I think I've become way too comfortable with being home and just seeing people that I want to see. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against anybody but I'm just not too excited to jump into seeing a million people a day. Call me crazy but I think I'm going through a phase where I just don't want to be that social. I just want to be with the select few that I'm comfortable with and I don't want to deal with putting up different faces or watching what I say. Am I the only crazy one that goes through this?

Maybe its because I know there are unspoken things I need to face. I don't know what to expect with this semester. I've been spending the past few nights staying up and over analyzing the best and worst scenarios that can happen. I know it's so dumb but sometimes I really can't help it. My mind just wonders.

I also wish I did more during winter break. 6 weeks went by way too fast. Even if it was little things like helping my mom around the house or picking up my brothers from school, I wish I was more productive.

I hope my mentality changes and I become more positive soon. After all, time isn't money but is YOUR life and once it passes you don't get it back. Don't want to waste time, which is going by too fast already, with misunderstandings, over analyzing and being unproductive.

Goodbye Winter break. You've been too good to me.

the nehemiah band- press into you.

When my soul is empty,
When there is no song to sing.
When all I feel is nothing,
When I'm tired, when I'm weak.
I will seek to find
the author of my life.

It's in times like this that I can prove
my undying passion for you.
When emotions run dry,
when there is no holy cry.
I will run blindly.
I'll press into you.

When I feel so alone
and my soul begins to groan
I will close my eyes
for I dare not compromise
my faith.

It's in times like this
when the world will come
and tempt me to just give you up.
But I decided to trust
completely in your blood.
I will run blindly.
I'll press into you.

daily manna

Deuteronomy 8:2-5 2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

Isn't it interesting how God gave his people manna daily? Not weekly or monthly but daily. It was always just enough to last throughout the day and the following day he would bless his people with just the right amount for that day. I personally believe he did this because he wanted his people to be dependent on him.

With recent events that have occurred, I realized that I am not dependent on God. I'm so comfortable with everything that I have that when a problem arose I didn't know how to depend on him. Instead of trusting that he had everything under control, I started making plans B and C. In the end, he provided with just enough of what I needed- my daily manna. I need to be more dependent on him.

p.s. I had a blast learning how to snowboard + spending time with people this past week. Super grateful for great company, yummy food, free housing and spending less than $50 for 3 days.

musiq soulchild ft mary j blige- if you leave.

Musiq Soulchild - If U Leave (Feat. Mary J. Blige).mp3 | Music Upload

i'm addicted to music. no matter how i'm feeling, i can turn on my itouch or open up my itunes account for an instant 4 minute escape to another world. i love how artists can capture their emotions and bring them to life every time their song is played. it can bring comfort through the relatable emotions the artist portrays or it can just help one get their mind off a situation. it can sometimes give rest and sometimes bring hype. whether it be for these reasons or if it's simply for leisure, it's the perfect quick fix when i need some "me" time.

twenty ten.

2010 sounds like such a futuristic year.. or is it a futuristic year and it just doesn't seem futuristic because its now the present?

a new year, or a new decade in this case, comes with new resolutions. i have quite a few but i think they're completely do-able. i think the secret isn't being too specific (3.8 gpa) or too general (lose weight), rather a process that you can keep yourself accountable to.

i cleaned out my desk today and ended up going through a bunch of old things from high school. after reading through my old journals, cards, letters i realized how much God loves me. seeing how immature and angry i was makes me laugh but at the same time so grateful to see how God has helped me grow and how he has healed. i know theres a lot more growing and healing to be done and hopefully in a few years from now i can look through the journal i'm currently writing in and be able to laugh and be even more grateful for the growth that i will go through.

one fact that was reaffirmed: our God never changes, he never fails, his grace is always more than enough and he forever loves.